Sex is one of my favorite things to discuss because there are so many layers to it - many more than what meets the eye.
Here are the 3 things I want fellow middle-agers to know about INTIMACY, based on what I hear in my practice on a consistent basis…
#1. Don’t be afraid to use a performance pill! Or a “full potential pill” as I refer to it with my clients. It can elongate (pun intended) the enjoyable years of sex and actually spice it up a bit. The fact is that MANY, MANY men start to have misfires with their mind/body connection around this age. It’s NOT uncommon. Although easier said than done… it’s not something to take personal, ladies. That’s the last thing your man wants you to feel. Their desire and attraction to you is often still alive and well - it’s the connection between that feeling in their mind and the equipment on their body that becomes more difficult with age. Of course, ask your doctor before using a pill for this but if it makes sense for you, you’ll thank me later. Promise!
#2. Intimacy can come in all shapes, sizes and positions. This is the time in your lives to think outside “the box.” I’m talking showering together, cuddling naked, massages, etc. Believe it or not a good, long heart-to-heart can fan the flame and give you both all the feels just as much as a good ole romp in the sack used to in your earlier years. There is nothing wrong with that… in fact it shows relational maturity and emotional intelligence within the partnership.
#3. Men… Listen up! Your partner’s lack of excitement around sex is more often than not due to how she is feeling about herself. It’s NOT due to her not being attracted to you, not loving you or not longing to be close to you. The whole body image thing for woman as they age is a battlefield of the mind on the regular. Feeling confident in their own skin day-in and day-out is hard enough mentally, let alone feeling truly attractive to their partner in a sexual way. Although you are no doubt still really in to her physically, it’s hard for her to believe it and it’s difficult for her to get into the right headspace internally in order for that type of engagement externally. THIS is what the true struggle is versus feeling anything negative towards you. “It’s not you - it’s me” is a real thing here. It’s just a hard one to admit for most women.