Simply being consistently open about how we are feeling with one another gives us the peace of mind that we know right where our partner is within the relationship from day to day. Transparency feels safe because it eliminates assumptions and takes the guesswork out of relationships. It feels safe because it’s comforting to know we have the full story. 💗
Sharing is caring
“The most functional way to regulate difficult emotions in love relationships is to share them.”
-Sue Johnson
Why is it that we think our partner can read our mind? 🤔 No matter how long we are together or how deeply we know each other, this isn’t a fair expectation. Instead we can open the “window to our brain” and share our core thoughts/feelings versus the surface anger/frustration that comes after we assume our partner is purposely ignoring the emotions they don’t even realize we are having.
Seek to appreciate!
“We strengthen our romantic foundations every time we acknowledge our partner’s emotional needs.” - Dr. John Gottman
We don’t have to fully understand our partner’s emotional needs in order to appreciate them. Turn towards your partner in those moments, instead of away. Acknowledge their need and gently make space for it - therein lies a true opportunity for meaningful connection. Make the most of it! #betheirsafeplace
😡 Conflict is inevitable!
We aren’t going to avoid conflict all together within our relationships. Conflict can actually be beneficial. Say what? It’s true - if done in a healthy way, conflict can create a deeper understanding of your partner and therefore strengthen your connection and build intimacy. But we can’t forget to REPAIR! Repairing is essential in a healthy relationship. Many couples refrain from doing so because they simply “don’t know what to say” during or after a disagreement. Well here’s a little cheat sheet! Try one of these on for size from The Gottman Institute in your next couples quarrel.👇😍
*Repair attempts sound like:
-I see your point
-I love you
-Thank you for sharing this with me
-Can I take that back?
-I need your support right now
-Let me try again
-Can we take a break?
-I understand
-I really messed up, I can see my part in this
♥️♥️This is everything!👇🏻👇🏻
“Relationships don’t last because of the good times. They last because the hard times were handled with love and care.” -Anmol Andore
I’ve also always loved the quote “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”
👉👉👉 Relationships included! #handlewithcare
A blessing from above!
Today marks a year ago that my husband was diagnosed with bladder cancer. Fighting cancer with 23 preventative treatments/surgeries during a pandemic isn’t ideal, but the outcome has been an absolute blessing from above!
After a two week scare in November that it may had returned (along with another surgery), we are happy to report that all was CLEAR and he has been officially cancer-free for one full year now!!! The treatments worked and he will have his FINAL round next week. Just in time for Christmas!
Of course they still plan to keep a close eye on him over the next year with quarterly scopes throughout 2021 but the doctor’s exact words were “I will tell you I don’t think he’s ever going have a reoccurrence.” I can’t say those words without tearing up! It was the best thing he ever could have said to us.
We know just how difficult and long other people’s journey with cancer can be for them and their families. It’s not lost on us just how fortunate we are that it has just now been a year. For those that are still in the midst of the battle, we see you and are praying for you. Everyone’s prayers and overall support for us this past year has made all the difference in the world. It has only solidified my belief in the power of prayer and positive thinking with every ounce of my being.
The mind game of it all is by far the hardest part. Learning to let go and let God is a struggle but once we get to that place I feel overwhelmingly more at peace. Along with that comes the knowing of just how precious each and every moment in time really is for all of us. The personal reflection this time of year brings makes that fact even more real, as the new year is upon us. Hallelujah!
Take the trip, have the hard yet healing conversations, be present, think less and let loose more, bear hug your people often, cry if you want to, live life a little more on the wild side and let go and let God because in the end you truly just don’t know what tomorrow will bring.
You never know how strong you are until you no longer have a choice. My hubby is a warrior and I simply adore him. Cheers to ONE YEAR of being cancer-free!
Now THAT’S a true Christmas miracle. 💫
Vulnerability is courageous!
More often than not there is fear or sadness underneath our anger. Allowing our vulnerability to show and expressing the core of our feelings to our partner is much more advantageous for our relationship than only exposing the anger. It always does more harm than good. It’s okay to be human and show the softer side to the ones we love most. 💞
Reminders from Rachel - Lessons through grief
July was a whirlwind of emotions... extreme joy to FINALLY hug my dear friend from college during the hardest months of his life, as well as extreme sadness as I sat in the very same spot in the park where I danced with his wife and my dear friend from high school but this time, just over 20 years later, we were there for her memorial. It was a surreal reminder of how we truly have no idea what life is going to bring or just where it will lead us.
My emotions came from so many angles... I watched as one of their daughters climbed up onto Brandon’s lap and buried her head in his shoulder as they were playing a video of Rachel. My heart deeply ached for her as their children are the very same age my sister and I were when we lost our mom. I just wanted to hold her in that moment... I see you baby girl. I had a pit in my stomach thinking about the fact that my husband is just halfway through his preventative cancer treatments and although things are looking up, I know that they can change so very quickly. I felt a heavy sorrow for the fact that such a bright light is no longer here on Earth with us and her sweet family is having to learn to live without her. It’s all so gut-wrenching to sit and allow yourself to feel that pain for all involved but the closure was so beautiful to watch. I didn’t need a reminder of how wonderful Rachel is as a person. She’s the kind that sticks with you. Her smile, her hugs, her positivity, her laugh, the way she danced (my how she could dance!) and the way she allowed the child within her to beam out at all times! It all sticks with you. It’s impossible for it not to... she was just that way. Her energy was just that unforgettable!
What I DID need a reminder of was to let that child inside of you out more often. Be more present and truly play more with your kids. Hug everyone much more and don’t be afraid to love on people the way you really want to love on them! Be yourself to the absolute core of your being. Have fun in everything you do! She was a reminder to live out our faith and spirituality more authentically without reservation. All of the stories of Rachel that were so eloquently spoken by her father, best friend and pastor were reminders of all of these things and much more. The biggest thing that Rachel taught the big crowd there to honor her yesterday was that fear is no match for God and I walked away in total awe yet again of how unwavering Rachel’s faith was through it all, right down to the very end. THAT was the most inspiring reminder of them all. Rachie - I love you so much, my little bebe!! Until we dance again... 💕
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Pssssst - Don't forget to date your partner!
Over the last few months, my husband and I’s dates may have moved from restaurants to our back patio but we are making it work!
Whatever you have to do to make it happen, don’t forget to date your partner! Quality time together is crucial in keeping connection strong relationally.
Feed your friendship with your partner as you would a dear friend. You have to make an effort to ensure it stays alive and well. That one-on-one time shouldn’t be an “if we get to it” but rather an “our time is a priority.” The family and life you created wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for your connection as a couple, so be sure and give it the attention it deserves. You’d be surprised what a little QT will do! 😉